Two Thousand and Seven, The Twenty-First
11/03/2007, 02:23

A friend of my brothers - who is also friendly with my parents, they've been invited to his wedding - and his fiance dropped in for a cup of tea and a chat today.

My parents were out at the DIY store and my buddy who is staying for the weekend was upstairs having a nap, so I was left to play host.

I've known, that is to say, I've been acquainted with, M since he and my brother became friends at school, though we have never really got on well. Probably that thing about me being three years younger than them, which is a huge amount when you are teenagers, and I was always regarded as childish and immature.

Still, life did a good deed for me by turning M into a bank manager.

I do love how these things work out in the end.

His fiance, C, is also what I refer to as "a bit token." She works for a large firm as a therapist of some sort, and as such, feels it is her duty, and/or her right to comment on people's behaviour, and the reasons behind that behaviour.

C: I can tell, Smash, that you feel somewhat uncomfortable given my occupation. I could probably tell you things about yourself that you wouldn't like to know.

Me: Really? Like what?

C: Well, I am sure I could deconstruct your life for you and leave you feeling that you lead rather a pointless existence.

Me: Perhaps. But at least I'm not marrying a bank manager who wears cheap suits and has a side parting.

C: You can be very rude. But I think you use outspokenness as a mask for your insecurities, to stop people seeing the real you. The you that even you yourself would be disappointed in.

Me: Actually C, I can say with hand on heart that you are totally and utterly wrong.

C: I'm wrong?

Me: Yes. I'm just trying to make you feel uncomfortable by pissing you off just enough so that you will bugger off, because I really to poo.

C: Come on M, we'll call back when his parents return. Smash, we're leaving.

Me: Do call again soon! (To closed door) Oh dear. I'm so rude I forgot to offer them any refreshments. AH WELL!

And I wasn't lying about the poo.